Might I just stop you here, unlike other articles, I’m not certain there is something to gain or lose, not sure there is any benefit to reading this, if at all, the content may infuriate you. You best stop. But if you’re interested in catching a glimpse of my ever so complex mind. Read on.
Have I always been emotionally lazy? Or I’m just a non-conformist, refusing to accept the status quo, and hoping for things to be more rational and without sentiments.
For most of my formative years, I was shielded from the reality of relationships and entanglements with the opposite sex, and as I was open to the free and reciprocal friendships of like-minded males. It was no surprise that entering the world proper and seeing the way things were done, I always saw rationally. I tried to conform though, but just like it is difficult for me to finish a bowl of oats without vomiting, If I continue like this I might just choke on my own resistance.
Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, and the boy begins to constantly initiate conversation through every media imaginable, calls, texts, showering with words, letters, gifts, finances, until by some miracle, she begins to reciprocate the same feeling. It is this idea, since the creation of time that has invariably led to the exploitation of both sexes. Very easy to see.
The male who has spent so much time, love and affection, enjoys the benefit of her own affection after much rejection and resistance, the epitome being carnal knowledge, moves on to the next woman. The woman too, sometimes utilizes the male simply for his time, affection, and most importantly, gifts and rewards creating multiple variables of the same skeletal system. Some genuine, some not. It’s the system that’s been on for generations, taught by families and discussed amongst peers time and time again. Secondary schools are when such decisions take hold, the male doing all sorts to get her attention and continually looking for ways to impress her.
But I do not agree.
Sure, I’ve tried it, and each time I had to do it I cringed, but not anymore, and whilst I have no intention of changing the system that has guided us for eons, I have no intention of following it either. Why should I have to pursue a lady to the ends of the earth simply because I like her? even if it works out, my core spirit would never agree with it.
But that creates an existential problem doesn’t it?
It means I may never be able to get with someone I like from afar, rightfully so, Afterall I’m not willing to put the work. I wrestled with this singular disadvantage for so long, till I realised something, looking back, for some of the ladies I had a thing or the other with (and it never worked out for one reason or the other it was really vibes) I didn’t have to chase them, or blow trumpets for them on their birthdays and what not, sure I made the first contact, but there was just pure unsolicited vibes, and I didn’t know, nor did I have the slightest chance that such was coming, be it a fling or a relationship.
Amongst the few times I expressed this crisis of choice, I came across a few recurring recommendations, that I’ll find someone that is worth it. I thought for a while, how do I know who is worth it, and who isn’t? who is worth me constantly sending texts, love and gifts till I can eventually get her to be mine or at least reciprocate something similar?
I thought, and I thought and, in all honesty, I could not find an answer. But something close would be, someone that was worth it would be willing to do the same thing to get me from the get go.
And that let me glimpse at the answer, even if I’m yet to grasp the wholeness of it. For this I have to depend on fate, time, and chance to lead me to such person. I sometimes envy the overly religious brethren who both see each other in dreams marry each other instantaneously. Or those in arranged marriages who do not have to deal with the trivialities of choice.
The closest thing in reality to what I expressly desire are long term friends who just feel the click to be something more without any prior knowledge, lust or prompting.
This thought goes in tandem with my personal understanding not to be moved by the trivialities of the flesh nor sultry material, effectively stopping me from going out of my way to initiate contact with the express desire of lust allowing me give credence and precedence to the spheres of life that truly matter and as such make me, one of the most mentally powerful men, on the planet for men are driven by lust and have been brought down in droves by this protean creature.
I’m going against human nature, with nothing but my naïve mind.
